Happy new year!

2010!
Happy new year!
Waow 2010, it looks different, it feels different and if I think about it long enough, the mystery it holds make water spring in my mouth as though I had just tasted something citrus...............

I had the best "old year's night" that I could ever have asked for.
I spent it in the company of my daughter, her partner and their baby girl.
That was the most relaxing, cleansing, spiritual and liberating evening ever.

Each year I would go though the whole 'getting ready' ritual thing by doing all the domestic things so my house feels ready for a new start. This year I was more on top of it than ever. Administration was all done, no clothes left to iron, our closet looked like a shop hahaha love that! Everywhere was as I wanted it to be in our space. The only thing left was to set a bath with lovely scents, I have a new flavour, 'lavender tea tree geranium' by L'Occitane! mmmmm talk about relaxing, anyway That form of cleansing was not to be tonight. I was about to experience a special bath of the mind and soul with my daughter!

I hadn't planned to spend the night at my daughter's but my husband came up with the idea, he so enjoys his sons-in-law, he calls each one 'his favourite son-in-law' soooo cute!

Having gone to bed at 2:15 this morning, I woke by myself minuets before six, I knew that because I woke and whilst lying there thinking "man I woke up and it's still dark......I wonder what time it was" then I heard the house clock strike 6:00am.

I tried falling back to sleep and realize I couldn't.
Now we all know just how creative and sharp our minds are at that time in the morning, when only YOU are awake. My mind began reflecting as I tried to make clear what I had dreamt about.
I won't relate the dream but it triggered my tread of thought for a while, trying to dismiss the I thoughts I reflected on being at my daughter's place.......I wished I could have stayed in bed and scribble all I was thinking done without 'getting up!!'
I created an entire page in my blog lying right there; at 7:00ish I got up went to the loo, and turned on the computer.

I had not been in this space since for ages!!
I was energize by my baby girl last night! I wanted to save those feelings.

I haven't been blogging for sooo many reasons and blogging for the sake of it was just not me.
Now I am back.....I am sitting here thinking it's all too much to put into words....now....right now.

Considering my guy is in our bed, asleep and I am behind the computer.....mmmmmmm something doesn't compute I know.
But last night, the end of 2009 was magic for me 'for us' as I fell asleep wrapped in his arms, in our freshly made bed, feeling very secure as we affirmed just how strong our loves is, I felt blessed, loved and extremely fortunate that this man loves ME as he does, that I have lived long enough to experience my children as adults and be able to love and appreciated each of them individually, to be able to to share the difference and the likeness of my baby girl, with her in it's pureness, honesty, genuineness and unshielded way we did.
I had the best "old year's night" ever.
I will talk more about this later, maybe....yes I will! I think..........


Anyway it's still dark soo I am going to sneak back in bed to grab a last cuddle before my sweetheart wakes up.......I just wanted to make a start whist I was ready to start blogging this year.
Thank you God for a loving family!
2010 is off on a great start!

The disappearance of the girl

All you ladies out there that may be feeling devastated because your man cannot deal with your fat, or he has gone because “you are Not the girl he married”
Well here is the news, you are not!!
That GIRL and rightly said, girl, has gone, she left a long time ago!
In fact she was only around for a few precious years, that thin body, tight all over, firm breasts, ….insecurities acne…shyness…..my goodness, she slipped by without my even knowing she was leaving.

Man was I sick!! My poor body didn’t know what had hit it, it took on some major changes in that month of August 1973, when my first daughter was conceived, and my body was on a roller-coater of imbalanced hormones and chemical changes.
Mixing and fixing preparing me for motherhood.
I had ‘thrush’ …yep thrush!! and I was soooo young and green I had no idea what was happening to me.
Sure, I was having loads of fun experiencing my new found sex life that year.
I had left home, on my eighteenth birthday and it was fun fun fun sex sex sex, I was my own woman and I had me a man!
I had never had sex with anyone else than with my baby’s dad, so when I was feeling crazy from my ‘itch’, I was sure I had VD!! And if I had ‘caught’ it must have been because of HIM, ‘cause I had not been with anyone else!!
I would itch until I was sooo sore.
Venereal disease were big when I was a girl, and as scary as aids is for most, everyone was getting some thing, from someone, so that made a girl scared to do anything with anyone!
At 18 I was considered, old to be experiencing my first sexual encounter, and now a year and a half later, to have VD!! I was scared and angry.

Not being able to take it any more I went to a special clinic, on my own, where you were only known as a number, that way I could conceal my identity.
After I was examined by the doctor, he explained I didn’t have VD. I was soooo happy to hear that, then he asked, me if I knew I was expecting.
Expecting? Expecting what??!!
Aaaahmmm a baby??
I was blown away, there I was three months pregnant and I didn’t even know it!!
AlI knew was that I was feeling bad!! Itching awfully and all it was all because my hormones were taking on a change, preparing me for motherhood!

Young and fresh and fit!!??!

It is so amazing how the hormone system works.

The endocrine glands system make chemicals called hormones and pass them straight into the bloodstream. And the hormones can be thought of as chemical messages. They communicate with the body and bring about all our “changes’
Look at it this way, the hormone is a ‘key’, and it will only act on a part of the body if it ‘fits’ and if the key (the hormone) fits the lock (on the cell wall of the organ) then it will work.
Ha ha! I got! So when there is no more growth, repairs, sexual drive, eating dis-order then you can say my Pituitary gland is NOT working by balancing the hormones or the hormones (the keys) are lost of …or don’t fit anymore....hhhmmmm

Here are some facts

The glands of the endocrine system include:
• Pituitary gland - is inside the brain. It oversees the other glands and keeps hormone levels in check.
It can bring about a change in hormone production somewhere else in the system by releasing its own ‘stimulating’ hormones. Such an important pea size gland.
The pituitary gland is also connected to the nervous system via part of the brain called the hypothalamus.
• Thyroid gland - is inside the throat. It controls the rate of metabolism.
• Parathyroid gland - is inside the throat. It controls the level of calcium in the bloodstream.
• Adrenal glands - are on top of each kidney. They make a number of different hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol in times of stress, and sex hormones.
• Pancreas - an organ of digestion, which is inside the abdomen. It makes insulin, which controls the amount of sugar in the bloodstream.
• Ovaries - are inside the female pelvis. They make female sex hormones like estrogen.

Examples of exocrine glands that secrete straight to a target site, via ducts or tubes are called exocrine glands.
Some examples include:
• Salivary glands
• Sweat glands
• Sebaceous glands.
Common problems
some common problems of the endocrine system include:
• Diabetes - too much sugar in the blood caused by problems with insulin production.
• Premenstrual tension - symptoms include bloating, breast tenderness and mood swings.
• Thyroid problems - when the gland is overactive (hyperthyroidism) or under active (hypothyroidism).
Things to remember
• Endocrine glands secrete hormones straight into the bloodstream.
• Hormones help to control many body functions, such as growth, repair and reproduction.
• The pituitary gland inside the brain oversees the endocrine system.

So when you were that young and beautiful girl, with that prefect body (even though you didn’t think so at the time, you were either too fat or too thin, not enough boobs or far too much) you were going through so much changes back then, changes your poor brain couldn’t cope with.

You were shooting out in all areas of you body, hair was growing where you really didn’t care for them to be and then the monthly disaster!! That left you feeling dreadfully, sick and nauseous every month!!

You were able to understand more complex matters but dealing with your mood swings was unbearable for you and those around you.

Making your own choices seemed perfect, you knew what you liked and disliked but the worries of dealing with boys were sooo confusing, the peer pressure at school and all the social issues.
What to do, what not to do and very rarely choosing for what you really wanted, yep that was the first time we expeirenced that emotional roller coaster.
Remember feeling sooo all alone, even though everyone was going through it too, well here we are again, on a similar roller coater only hopefully we have our wisdom to guide us through it, some thing we didn't have when we were young, fresh and so called, fit. The traumas in our heads are still the same. The battle with the hormones part II.
Oh and not to forget Oprah!! Ahahaha she is in her 50’s now so the whole world will now hear about ‘MENOPAUSE" and how to deal with it :-D

Celebrate my FAT!!!

If the menopausal years are 35-55 then I could be coming to an end with all my ‘bad’ feelings!!!
Can’t wait!!
I just discovered I am not suppose to be dieting!! Can you believe that!! When everyone claim, thin! Diet! I knew it!! All the ‘Sonja Bakker’s’ diet are not good for me!! I really felt bad when I dieted and last year I decided never to do it again. I would feel soooo bad, almost ill! Sure I am supose to stay trim by working out, 30mins per day. Fine….but also not excessively.
I have been reading a passage from “menopausal years, the wise woman’s way” by Susun S. Weed and there it says,

“Gain up to a pound a year for ten years!! Thin women have more hot flashes and altogether more difficult menopause than heavier women. Fat cells produce estrone, a kind of estrogen. (If you won’t let yourself gain ten pounds, at least STOP TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT!! Dieting decreases bone mass and weakens the heart.)”
I couldn’t believe it!! I felt it all along!! Dieting is bad for the menopausal women!
Hey I wonder is that why I am having all these heart related problems lately? hhmmm

a quote

I woke this morning, with a worried feeling because of it, my day was very slow in starting; but all in all it turned out to be a good day!!

But I an too tired to relate it.

I will end with a quote:-

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight."

Benjamin Franklin
US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)

Should I be worried that my cholesterol level is 5.1?

Generally the following will apply to anyone wanting to bring down a borderline or high cholesterol reading:

Low saturated fat diet, high in fiber, avoid fried foods and salt and limit dairy and meat and prawns.
The best diet would be oily and white fish, eggs plus vegetarian foods. Eggs are fine as there is at present no association with an increased risk of HD. Cholesterol levels should be in the range 3.5 - 5.1.

It is important not to go below 3.5 as cholesterol is important to the body as can be seen in the enclosed information. Foods high in potassium would be beneficial. Avoiding stress, particularly prolonged stress is important.

Most people would also benefit from a multi vitamin and mineral without iron and copper, and an antioxidant that contains A, C, E
So 5.1 is good!

.

Frankenstein’s bride!

I had the normal ECG test and that showed that a valve was defect and was possibly allowing blood to flow back to my brain in a way that it shouldn’t. So in order to control this I am having the 24 hour ECG control.


Here I am sitting at work wired up as Frankenstein’s bride!
I have six colored wires yellow, red, green, white, orange blue and black all stuck to different parts of my chest. I have just had a 24-hour ECG recording.

Electrocardiogram (ECG)
An electrocardiogram, or ECG, records the rhythms and electrical activity of your heart. A number of electrodes (small, sticky patches) are put on your chest. The electrodes are connected to a machine that records the electrical signals of each heartbeat.
Although an ECG can detect problems with your heart rhythms, an abnormal reading does not always mean that there is anything wrong. Therefore, as well as an ECG, you may need to have some other tests, such as:
• An exercise ECG - an electrocardiogram recording is taken while you are exercising (usually on a treadmill or exercise bike). If you experience pain while exercising, the test can help to identify whether your symptoms are caused by angina, which is usually due to coronary heart disease.
• 24-hour ECG recording - an electrocardiogram recording is taken continuously over 24 hours. It can be used to diagnose symptoms that do not occur regularly, such as palpitations. You can usually do the test at home, as an outpatient.



I look something like this person....even tho it looks like my children uncle!! :-)

Myself as a crone

I describe myself as a crone, because at 55 I am nearing the end of my menstrual cycle.
Even though have had an hysterectomy, I still go through the ‘silent journey’, I feel and react as a crone, so I am doing my best to embrace this period of my life that is so rarely celebrated.

The Crone, is described as the dark mother of time, she is in the last aspect of the woman’s cycle of life, where we had the maiden, the mother and now the crone.
In our society youth and beauty has so much adoration, respect and even abuse.
The crone’s aspect is often misunderstood, feared and neglected as she represent decay and eventually death, which is inevitable of all nature.
As a grandmother, an old mother and a wife, I still consider myself as a nurturer, way past child bearing years and still someone whose wisdom and soul healing powers comforts are sought after by others going through life’s hardship and transitions.
I dream dreams, my intuitions are strong, I use herbs, I brew teas and I lean towards the natural form of healing. My 'chi' is strong!!

Such a women, if assertive the middle Ages was considered a wicked witch and an hagged archetype of our fairytales. For her knowledge and wisdom she was persecuted by people’s fear.
She is associated with the colour black, the waning or new moon, Autumn and Winter, change, quitting of a regular job that absorb her time, devorces, transformation and death, all extremely negative.

The Crone women are wonderful to call upon to help you deal with the menopause, change or to help face your own mortality.
She can help you remember the cycles of life if you are experiencing a loss.
She can help you face your deepest fears,
She can encourage you to be wild and free,
She show us our strength and courage us all.
She has her experiences which she is willing to share.

Healthy Menopause Diet

Healthy Menopause Diet - 15 Suggestions

• Boost your daily intake of fruits. Choose melons, bananas and citrus fruits like oranges and lemons, which are high in potassium. Potassium rich foods help balance sodium and water retention. Also include some dried fruit like apricots and figs. (a smoothie works!)
• Boost your daily intake of vegetables (inc. salad) Choose in particular, yam, dark leafy vegetables like kale, collard greens, spinach, pak choi, broccoli and cabbage, as well as peppers, tomatoes and a variety of others.
• Introduce soy foods (eg. soybeans, calcium-fortified soy milk, soy yogurt and tofu.) into your daily eating.
• Eat regular amounts of fiber, especially soluble fiber.
• Junk the fried foods, instead broil or bake.
• Junk the white bread/flour, eat wholegrain bread, oats, rye, wheatgerm.
• Junk the white rice (except basmati), switch to long grain brown rice.
• Eat fewer regular potatoes, eat more sweet potatoes and pasta. • Add regular helpings of beans and lentils to your meals.
• Junk the processed cooking oils, switch to unprocessed oils. Choose extra virgin olive oil, canola, wheatgerm and flaxseed oil.
• Make oily fish (salmon, mackerel) a regular feature of your diet
Oily fish is rich in omega-3 essential fatty acids which provides a huge range of health benefits.
• Snack on nuts (Brazils, walnuts), seeds (pumpkin, sunflower, linseeds), dried fruit (apricots, figs).
• Try adding seaweed to your diet; ask at your local health food store. Choose Nori, Wakame, Kombu, Arame, which contain natural hormones and plant chemicals which help during menopause.
• Drink more mineral/bottled water, less caffeine and modest amounts of alcohol. (in small amounts then?!?)
• Enjoy high-calorie junk foods as an occasional treat only

Healthy Eating Doesn't Mean Being Perfect
You don't have to follow all 15 of the above dietary suggestions. As long as your menopause eating habits don't stray too far from my guidelines, you'll do fine. That said, these eating advice should help to alleviate the symptoms of menopause, including: hot flashes, bloating, water retention, tiredness and depression. In addition, if you combine the eating advice with regular exercise, you will reduce weight and find it much easier to maintain a healthy weight as you get older.
Enjoy!!

My heart is old!

Last friday I had a visit to my cardiologist and after a few examination he explained my heart appears to be unusally big.
Now that could be one of two reasons, if I am very sportive or my heart is working too hard. It turned out to be the later.
I was then signed up for further tests!! to ensure the best method of solving my problem.

Arriving home I logged on to do my own research and indeed I found a site where I could do a test, this was the result.

Dear Acrone,

Thank you for completing the Heart Age Test. Here are your results so that they can see again. Your heart age
The age of your heart is much higher than your actual age. This means that your heart is much less healthy than their peers. Your weight is too high and that gives a greater chance of diabetes, heart disease and stroke. Remember that a weight loss of 10 to 15% already do much good for your health and your risk of diseases late fall.


Before you make changes in your lifestyle, it is advisable to contact your GP. If any of the aspects of your heart health than optimal level, we encourage you to pursue this with your doctor to discuss.

BLOOD PRESSURE
Your blood pressure is too high. If you have your blood pressure measured, let it again with your doctor to check the measured value to check and to discuss methods to reduce blood pressure. Perhaps you can use small changes in your lifestyle to reduce your blood pressure. If you're overweight, you help a few pounds to fall. Notice also the use of salt in cooking and make sure that you eat many vegetables and fruits. That is good for your blood pressure. Including more physical activity helps your blood pressure to fall.
For more information>


CHOLESTEROL
Your cholesterol is needed to correctly estimate the age of your heart to them. Try your cholesterol so too (to) measure.
For more information>


DIABETES
Your chance of getting diabetes may increase if you are over 40, if you have overweight and diabetes in your family. If you are in one of these categories, it is important to ensure a proper weight. Several studies show that 5 to 10% waste when you are too heavy and as well as daily 30 to 60 minutes to move your chance of getting diabetes is greatly reduced.
For more information>


FAMILY HISTORY
If heart disease in your family, you have a greater chance also cardiovascular disease to get. But this does not mean that your fate is sealed this. It would only say that for you is especially important at the age of your heart to watch. Try your blood pressure and your cholesterol under control, care for a healthy weight and not smoking. Think a minute about your lifestyle. What can you change? Also regularly check your blood pressure and cholesterol. Never done? Perhaps now is the time to even get started. With this data you can test more complete.
For more information>


SMOKING
Keep it up! Smoking is one of the main risk factors for getting heart disease. It is very healthy not to smoke.
For more information>


WEIGHT
You're too heavy, that means you likely have an increased blood pressure and elevated cholesterol in your blood. The aging heart enormous. Is there diabetes or cardiovascular disease in your family? It is more important for you your weight well under control. If your 5-10% of your weight loss, do you much good for your health.
For more information>


FOOD
Your score indicates that your efforts to eat healthy. Very good, keep up the good. A diet with plenty of vegetables and fruit, the right kind of fat and not too much salt helps to keep blood pressure low. Moreover, it is good for the cholesterol in your blood and a proper weight. And that helps them all to keep your heart young.
For more information>


MOVEMENT
Your score indicates that more time should be free to move! Try at least 30 minutes per day to move for at least five days per week. Research shows that it helps the blood pressure, cholesterol and weight maintenance. Exercise is good for a younger heart.
For more information>


LEISURE
You are not physically active. Try to find a way to get some extra movement. That may continue to exercise every day but also by some extra movement to build. Take the stairs instead of the elevator, get off at a stop before the bus or tram and go by bike to work instead of by bus or car. Research shows that people who are physically active, much less to thicken. They have many more good blood pressure and good cholesterol in the blood. Exercise is a way to keep your heart young.
For more information>


Terms & Conditions | Privacy Statement | © 2008

Menopausal Climax Years

Wise Woman Ways
Menopausal Climax Years

The menopausal climax years include the year or two before and a year or more after your very last menstruation. The average age of a woman in the midst of her Change is 51. But women come to their menopausal climax in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, as well. Some achieve menopause by surgical means, some by way of chemotherapy or radiation, and some just naturally arrive early. (Menopausal climax before the age of 40 is considered "premature.")

During this 2-5 year climax period, the bones refuse to take in cal-cium and bone scans will show growing osteoporosis; flashes, flushes, and night sweats may be frequent; palpitations, emotional sensitivity, and sleeplessness are common. Depending on the individual woman and her circumstances, other physical and emotional changes may come with the Change, or she may experience next to nothing.

Take time for solitude. Although many women feel enormous satisfaction in tending and nourishing others, as our reproductive years come to a close, it is appropriate to turn away from care-taking. Hot flashes, sleeplessness, moodiness, and the like are easier to recognize as allies of wholeness when you are free to follow your own needs without concern for others. Take one day to be totally by yourself, or a Crone's Year Away, or anything in between.

Experiment with eggs, meat, and butter in your diet. Some women find these foods, especially if from organic sources, decrease menopausal symptoms. Some practitioners insist they increase menopausal distress, especially when from commercial sources.

Relax and enjoy your hot flashes. Ride them like waves, feel them in your spine, ski the edges of your flushes, honor the volcanic heat of your core. Like labor pains, hot flashes are the outward sign of metamorphosis. Like labor pains, they are worse when resisted. Herbal allies help those with unrelenting flashes relax and enjoy, too.

Spend time with a journal. Buy a blank book and write in it, draw in it, paste articles in it. Visions and dreams are particularly vivid and intense in the menopausal climax years; keep your journal handy so you can record them. Your emotional energies are readily available during the menopausal climax years; draw them in your book. Memories abound during these years; cherish them in your journal. Write your autobiography.

Plan your Crone's Crowning. As months pass and the moon waxes and wanes without drawing forth your menses, you pass through the second stage of initiation, death. Your identity as Mother dies. Let yourself break all the rules. Be someone totally different than you thought you could be.

OXYTOCIN kicks in

I was not going to mention this, but I changed my mind.
I baby sat my lovely and youngest grand daughter a few nights ago, well what a night!

I sat down with the TV switched to the BBC because Eastenders was about to start, logged into my daughter’s laptop, sweets tin by the hand, I was ready for a night of full entertainment, after all my dear little darling always sleeps through in the past.
I was set, then suddenly I heard what sounded like a muffled sound, I did wait to check, I sprung to my feet and head for the door, I wasn’t sure if I heard any other sound so I sprinted up the flights of stairs.
In entering her room, I noticed she was gasping, arms outstretched, looking helpless.
She was covered in her own mucus, her hair, face, nostril everything. I quickly picked her up whilst trying to remain calm and consoling at the same time, “There, there darling, grandma is here, there, there”
All the time I am thinking, “What is this, food poising, bad baby food, allergy, what?”

I took her to the bath room to prepare her for a bath, when out it came again, ooops just in time for it to be caught in the sink, more of what ever was upsetting her. By now all her evening meal was out. Al this time she was just calmly watching my actions and maybe wondering also what’s happening?

I finally got her freshen up and she returned to her cheerful good humor, laughing and playing with her feet.
I had just finished changing her linen and was about to tuck her in when, I saw that look on her face, oops just in time, missing the bed and onto the floor, we didn’t quite miss her sleeping bag though, so off it went, wipe her mouth and on with a new sleeping bag.

My, my once a mother always a mother, I guess.
My hormones where not totally gone I had a drop of oxytocin left hahaha
My female instinctive nurturing hormone!! Yeah!!

But that’s not all, I decided I was taking no risk, I took her down stairs with me and we were going to be together on the sofa until mommy or daddy came home.
In the mean time I called her dad to notify him of the situation, deciding specifically not to call mommy as it would only stress her out unnecessarily. I thought.
Only I was in the middle of making her a bottle of Camilla / mint tea to settle her stomach, when mommy called, ooooooh, now I have to tell her! If I don’t she would never forgive me and it would be worst to her it from her dad.
I assured her I had it under control and baby was fine.
She was quiet, calm and softly said, “Okay I will see you when I get home”
Hmmmmm I know that calm quiet voice.

All this with little madam in one arm, so back to the tea, when ooops here it comes again!
But this time there was nothing more for her poor little stomach to give, she was heaving so badly she turned sooo red, I felt myself panic, nothing was giving!!
Oxytocin, kicked in, I stuck my finger in her mouth, she choked and very weakly spat out a lot of slim.
The next thing I knew I was putting on my shoes, her in one arm, grabbing her ‘baby chair’ and heading for the door, “Oh God!! My keys!!! Please Lord where are they!!”
I had a quick flash of running to the hospital, maybe I will be just as quick……..
I spun back into the room, my eyes searching for the eyes, my phone…….I needed to GO NOW!!
Found the keys, blow the phone…….out the door, “It’s okay baby…it’s okay”

Half way to the hospital, I saw she was back, looking around, looking at me, again possible wondering, “Grandma what’s going on?’
At the hospital she was fine, and I felt stupid, as though I was worrying over nothing, but I didn’t care, for me it was better safe than sorry ….then …ooops there it was again, I panicked within but this time the nurse had her and I felt safe knowing they knew best.
They checked her lungs, everything was fine, and she will be okay.
Phew! What a night!!

When we returned home there was daddy!!! To greet us, when it happened in his presence, I was calm, which assured him.
Phew what would I have done if I had lost my OXYTOCIN hormone?

Happy hormone reminds be how blessed I am

6:15 and I was driving to work this morning, feeling glorious, grateful and full of sponk! I guess my happy hormone "Serotonin" is working today and without a boost of chocolate!! waow!

My middle daughter and her family are on their way to England for a weekend away.
I called to wish them a safe trip, we were laughing and joking and I felt sooooo blessed.
Days when I am feeling good I can feel so happy for the small things, the things I normally take forgranted.
Today, the morning mist covered the fields as a thick white blanket, and the sun was raising her head above it in the distance. It was so beautiful, I could let it was going to be a sunny day.
I took a second to register how I was feeling and I truely felt great! My head was clear and I shook it a little to see how that felt and there was no tention, no cloudedness, no bloatedness, I felt good. Wauw!! I needed to note this moment because I tend to remember the down days sooner than the up days and whether they are more or less I would never know because to my feelings are that menopause isn’t always about feeling GREAT! I have to find the great to camouflage how I truly felt.
I am now at work, ready to start my day, the sun is now shining brightly through the windows at me and I feel blessed!
Thank you God for a blessed day!

Where did my hormones go!?!

I visited the doctor for the results of a very scary appointment to the hospital.
Where I had an MRI scan, a CT scan, a duplex scan, blood tests and metering of my blood pressure! (which was considered high, 140/95)
I related the experience to anyone who would ask me as a big M.O.T., as in cars; the test to see if a car is equipped to drive the road efficiently, without endangering its owner or others.
Well, what can I say, apart from the fact I felt basically as an old motor, no take that back , as a vintage motor! That's better, in need of premium care!

So there I was looking by best, freshly colored hair, plucked and dyed eyebrows, well made up, sitting next to my husband as we awaited to be call in to see the doctor.
Considering my restless night the night before, I felt at that moment pretty good.

Mevrouw Krijger?
I stood up and entered the doctor’s room.

She was a calm, yet rigged woman of about early 40’s.
She began by asking me to relate to her, my condition of the 7th of April, when this all started.

Now, I have some difficulty to ever recall anything accurately, especially on the spur of the moment. So there I was looking fine but sounding like a confused adolescent lost for words. I kept looking to my husband hoping he would spring to my aid, which he did a few times.
Bless him.
Anyway several moments later she preformed some physical tests of her own on me; like I had to stretch my hands out, closed your eyes, touch my nose with my right then left finger etc etc, all of which would determine how my brain was relating to commands.
Great ...so I was feeling physically fit that day………..

For a moment I thought she looked as though I was wasting her time!

Back in her office she continued to say that the test has shown several things that had caused questioning and she would like to continue the tests further.
WHAT KIND OF TESTS!! My mind was screaming.

‘Do you sport a lot?’ she asked
“Not really” I replied
“It’s just that it appears you have a big heart”
WHAT does that mean? Big heart, sure I am generous, willing and always ready to help but I knew that was not the context she was using.

“I would like for your to see a cardiologist, because there is also the question about a murmur we heard in your heart.”
This is NOT sounding good.
Before I could react she turned her computer towards me, so I could see what was displayed.

I quickly rustled to find my glasses.

“This is your brain, everything looks fine, no tumor, no TIA, although a TIA only shows when it is actually happening so we are going to give you another MRI.”
I'm looking at the grey mass in the shape of a horizontally sliced brain. I saw nothing except for a small and darker grey in the middle of the brain.
“And here” she continues "we noticed where your hormones should be, that it is empty.”
EMPTY!!! EMPTY!!! NO HORMONES WHERE HORMONES SHOULD BE!!!

Hello!! I could have told her that!! I have been saying that for months! But still my family doctor insists that my condition is not hormonal.
So like I am able to loose my keys, my phone or everything else that I loose, I HAD LOST MY HORMONES!!!

‘Oh really?” I said conposing myself “I thought I needed a test to see if my hormones were imbalanced” imbalanced! huh that's a laugh!
“Oh?” she said “Why is that?”
I was puzzled, if she had just said there were no hormones where hormones should be then why was she asking me WHY IS THAT!!!??

I give up!!

So I guess this motor is not only overheated but it has a malfunctioning valve and is in need of more test!!! GREAT!


Where did the spring go?
written by; Ray davies

Where did the spring go?
Where did the trees go?
Where did the sun go?
Where did the bluebirds fly?
Why did the rainbow turn into shadows?
Why am I cold now?
Why does my skin sag?
Why ain't my back straight?
Why do my feet ache?
Where did my youth go?
Where did my life go?
Remember walking in the rain,And getting soaking wet,
Now I got rheumatic pains,And I really do regret it.
Where did my teeth go?
Where did my muscles go?
Where did my shoulders go?
Where did my chest go?
When you were loving me,You were just using me.
You would employ me,You would destroy me.
Now all I've got are varicose veins.
Where did the spring go?
Where did my hormones go?
Where did my energy go?
Where did my go go?
Where did the pleasure go?
Where did my hair go?
Remember all those sleepless nights,
Making love by candlelight,And every time you took my love,
You were shortening my life.
Where did my teeth go?
Where did my hair go?
Where did my shoulders go?
Where did my chest go?
Where did my hormones go?
Where did my go go?
Where did my energy go?
Where did my skin go?
Where did my muscles go?
Where did my liver go?
Where did my heart go?
Where did my bones go?

Check double check

I am still not sure if blogging is my thing, because I would like to have a laptop so I can scribble when ever I like.

I have had the feeling to do an entry several times, like when I am in the car, or taking a walk, or.....in the most inconvenient times :-)
Now a note pad seems at hand and far easier, but I must say at all he above times I would not be able to jot down any notes either......hahaha silly me.

So I guess am I looking for an excuse not to give-in to blogging? Maybe, maybe not............

Anyway, 'Celebrating menopause' this is really to my children, for my children as they have had to live with me dealing this is for the the last 15 years!!
They have had to listen to things like "my head is growing on the right side!" or "my heart it beating so fast I think I am having a heart attack!" or " I am GOING BALD!!!!"

There are several more of my famous sayings, which only my children would remember and relate, as they often do at so many of our family gatherings.
If it were not because of them I would definitely not remember as I tend to forget things everything.
I don't just forget the classic 'keys', oh no, I would be driving somewhere, turn the corner and suddenly not recognise where I am, I would do a blink, check, double check action and I would zoom back to the present.
That is not even scary anymore because it happens so often. :-)
What is worrying is that it happens more often and now in the most inconvenient times!! In the middle of a sentence, whilst discribing thing or giving instructions and you have to laugh and juat say, "Sorry I just had a slip of a moment!'

I would sooo love to embrace menopause and become the little, crazy old lady but I can't even do that peacefully, without worry about my actions.
Aaach! What the heck I will take each day at a time and do my best to enjoy it!

It's been a strange week, it seems as though my intuition has been very strong.
I have the feeling that the things I feel, they happen and I am now afraid that the things I now fear may happen...............

I have to see my neurologist next week because I have had, what they fear to believe 'a baby struck'!!
It's scary to even think about it, sure I have not been feeling myself .......but a scan!!
I fear the outcome.

Okay, a scan can be good it could show that my hormones are in balanced...good...let's solve this anxiety feeling that's driving me crazy......maybe I am stressed....but if NOT .....I hope that they find the problem without it being anything drastic.

I feel sooo...stressed that my brains is malfunctioning and my heart feels very tired!!

At 55 and feel generally very happy, blessed with four beautiful children and now four grand kids, you just want to remain apart of that for all times.

Okay this is not the best time to write, as I feel buried by my darkness.
This is too much negativity to spread in the universe.
I had better hang.

A smile

Waow!!

Who would have guess??

Me a blogger, but you know, I surprise myself everyday!!

For one I try never..... to say NEVER as I have found I have the tendency to go back on it, as I am now!

When my sister bombards me with endless scripts of her thoughts I often think, "nice...and what do you want me to do with it?" or I may read it delete it or some times not.

Purely because I believe it is an imposition of herself in my space. (aaah let's give credit...sometimes she has some interesting things to say :-)
I have even thought that blogger's are people who doesn't have a life and should stop trying to bombard and cluster mine!!



But you know secretly I have always been a blogger, I have always kept diaries under lock and key. Jotted my thoughts and ideas down on every scrap piece of paper to be found.
Over the years i have had so many note books that I really can't keep count.

I remember once when I was very young and an idea came to mind and I had no paper at hand, I did apparently had a pen, so in the mist of the night, without leaving my bed, I turned and faced the wall, in the dark of the room and started jotting my thoughts down on the wall!

Of course I woke the next morning forgetting all about my impulsive efforts, only to be reminded by my mother's anger that evening.:-)

I scribble everywhere, make notes of everything, I simply love ventilating my mind, though not so much loving it but finding I tend to do it automatically.

To be discovering now that those actions makes me a 'blogger', whether I want to admit it or not, makes me smile that I can finally give it a name, put in in a place and enjoy doing it.

Feels good!