My Corticosteroids

A few weeks ago a new colleague asked if he could ride with me to an event our department was giving. “Sure” I responded “
He continued, ”And depending on what time you are leaving, if it is the same time that I am leaving could I also ride with you home?”
I hesitated and thought, Aaaah why not? we both live in the same city, it’s dark and cold, why allow that poor man to go by bus when I could give him a lift. “Okay no prob” I answered.

It turned out that He only wanted to stay for the happy hour drinks after all and I was staying longer for the dinner. Secretly I was relieved! It had nothing to do with him, but everything to do with me, I just don’t enjoy making small talk at a time when I don’t wish to, and after a day of working and chit-chat, driving home in my car was ‘me time’, chilling-out, shaking the cobwebs of work out of my system before I reach home. That's then the other side of me.
I often listen to my kind of music and preferably, one of my favorite audio stories! Oh I love being read to. I tell my children when I am too old to be responsive, when they think the lights are out, just put on an audio book of any sort and leave me in my imaginary world, I will be just fine. LOL

So anyway a few days later, this dry and sunny day, I am all packed and ready to leave the office and the same young guy turns to me and sheepishly asked, “eeer could I ride with you?”
I turned around and spat out, “NO I would rather not!”
It was sooo quick it was obivous it came from my gut, there was not even time to think about it.
I surprised myself..
I could see the shock on his face,
I could hear the silence in the room as my other colleague froz.
I could feel the regret in my stomach that I reacted so abruptly.
I didn’t mean to, but all I could feel when he asked me that question, was the beginning of a bounding duty, commitment, obligation, a sudden burden, loss of flexibility and my freedom. At my age I truly cannot abide doing anything I DO NOT wish to do. I am far too old to compromise my feelings. As a shy young girl I would go against my true feelings for fear of rocking the boat, offending, going with the flow and all the girlish inhibitions I had. So as I attempted to make it right, I only of course made it worse. Another thing I still have to learn, leave well enough alone!!

What I should have said was, “John I don’t mind in emergency giving you a lift but I would much rather that we don’t start a car-pooling situation, I really don’t enjoy it”
POINT! But instead my defensive hormones (corticosteroids) just spat out NO!!! and shamed me!

news letter

This is a cool site!

http://www.redhotmamas.org/

Heels

 

I am so tired of feeling tired!

I know it could easily be the sunshine of spring that I am missing, or my vitamin D is really low, thyroid may be low, WHAT?!

I mean, I have only just had a total body scan which had ensured me I am fine, with the expection of a slight begin of osteopenia! We working grannies have to be so creative to desguise what we are really going through. Most of us are in deep pain and have no one to talk to. Some of us prefer to have our heads in the sand. Struggle into our skinny jeans, cripple ourselves whilst trying to walk on these platform high heels we use to wearing in our teens, all because it's in, young, or we are sooo afraid to be recognized as MENOPOSAL. Our body’s are way too heavy now to be balancing on so tiny 4-6” heel. But seriously I love the elegance it gives to walk around in my heels. When I over do it, I can only survive until mid-morning, by then, I am dead! But I grin and bear it like a fool. I do this sometimes when pride kicks in!

Oooooh my, is my body is soooo letting me down! My aches and pain seems evelasting! I have a pain in my elbow riding up to my shoulder all because of such a vanity.
I was in Paris a few weeks ago and again I am in my heels, not quite as high as 4” infact they were one of my most comfortable pair of boots. So there I was arm in arm with my hubby and ooops …..I slipped and fell flat on my bum! I really must add the floor in that mall was so shiney, I could use it as a mirror. Slightly embrassed, hubby help me up, then I noticed my ankle and elbow was really hurting. The rest of the trip I was in my trainers as I should have been in the first place!

A week or so later my elbow began hurting agian, to the point where I could hardly lift it. Strange, we thought, it had stopped hurting soon after the fall, why now. So off I went to my doctor even though I have found it doesn't really help talking to my doctor. He makes me feel as though I am hypochondriac! He examined my arm and came to the conclusion I had an inflammation. Still he made me feel supid for even being there, crazy!

Is it because men are not defined as menoposal that they are so not interested?

Nap time

Hello,
Yes I know it's been a while and it may have been a much longer time had I not bumped into a very dear friend of mine's blog. She started her blog today and named it ''hatching of an egg'' or close to that. It was such lovely reading that I straight away created a blog on her site to blog too and then I thought STOP! you have a blog!

You see that is how I get lately, over anxious and wanting soooo much and not getting anywhere. Crazy! Presently I am trying to write a book, or a sequel and at the time the idea was born I was very excited and it was all I could think of. Then I started a new facebook page for my paintings and that too is exciting, but you know....I don't have that many hours per day, plus my energy is lowwwww, but I still want so much. Anyway because of my sweet friend, I am having, a look in and I must say it is very comforting to vent hhihihihi. But I can't stay too long, pleased that I have found my password AGAIN so I make pop in tomorrow. Plus, I am due to go to a dinner party tonight, i can to bed to take a nap so I came endure the evening. Trust me, it is that far I NEED a nap if the night is going to long.
We have been to this same couple's home before on a Friday night, when there had been no space for a nap because I had worked all day, so late evening they are holding these full blown conversations, I am looking as interested as I can but sleeeping with my eyes open. They only know I am sleeping when there is no response coming from me!

SICK! old age does that to you!
Still, I am going to be in trouble tonight again because I have not had my nap!! I baby-sat my 3 grandchildren last night so I knew I needed to chill today! ~SIGH~ Instead I have been in bed reading, checking FB, and when I had been trying to sleep my mind was buzzing on some idea or the other AND that's all because I read Fauzia's blog which woke up my sharing spirit!

Anyway I really have to go and take a shower now because it's time to get ready and leave.
I am going to need a very strong coffe when I arrive at these people's house to wade off the sleep.

Went to the gym today when I really didn't feel like it.....and the whole time I was thinking.......

But I know I have to pump those weights and stretch those biceps but man I can get sooo hot!! and I don't mean that in a greeeat way LOL!!

Well not to compain they say the more I excerise and lose this baggage.... the better I will feel.....I been waiting 10 years!!! already, mind, I have been getting bigger and bigger so I guess ......... it's time for change! Nite nite

Menopause the musical!

Hello it's been a while!! But I have been surfing all over the place LOL!!! Well anyhooe.....look at this, it's as if someone had been reading my mind!! Why oh why is this not in Holland!! http://www.menopausethemusical.com/show-info/

"jack of all trade and master of none"

I haven't been blogging for the longest, not because I have nothing to say, just the mere fact that I have to conscientiously make time for it, not always in the mood for it and to top it all I misplaced my password to log in.

Lately however, I have had a yearning for something ELSE, something new to trigger my fancy. A new project maybe, start painting or singing again? I have had this feeling for the longest now, but no bottle to do anything constructive with it.
Now I am 56 and I feel that my menopausal state should be shifting into a burst of energy and new enterprises, I am a little disappointed that head head is not full with new ideas, I just can't find that "one thing" that I should be doing.

I recently discovered that an old friend of mine was into counseling and writings self help books, she was doing pretty well at it as far as I could see.
Another young lady I once admired in my teens is now a singer/song writer/voice coach. How did these people actually came about and fulfill their dreams? I can sing, I give free councilling almost everyday to friends and family but I guess it was never a dream to make any of the two a life time occupation. Maybe be that is the problem! I am not ambitious enough!
Still what is the formula of making your interest and dreams a success?
I have always been a "jack of all trade and master of none" I wish to find that one thing I love and love it enough to take it to another level of mastery.