Nap time

Hello,
Yes I know it's been a while and it may have been a much longer time had I not bumped into a very dear friend of mine's blog. She started her blog today and named it ''hatching of an egg'' or close to that. It was such lovely reading that I straight away created a blog on her site to blog too and then I thought STOP! you have a blog!

You see that is how I get lately, over anxious and wanting soooo much and not getting anywhere. Crazy! Presently I am trying to write a book, or a sequel and at the time the idea was born I was very excited and it was all I could think of. Then I started a new facebook page for my paintings and that too is exciting, but you know....I don't have that many hours per day, plus my energy is lowwwww, but I still want so much. Anyway because of my sweet friend, I am having, a look in and I must say it is very comforting to vent hhihihihi. But I can't stay too long, pleased that I have found my password AGAIN so I make pop in tomorrow. Plus, I am due to go to a dinner party tonight, i can to bed to take a nap so I came endure the evening. Trust me, it is that far I NEED a nap if the night is going to long.
We have been to this same couple's home before on a Friday night, when there had been no space for a nap because I had worked all day, so late evening they are holding these full blown conversations, I am looking as interested as I can but sleeeping with my eyes open. They only know I am sleeping when there is no response coming from me!

SICK! old age does that to you!
Still, I am going to be in trouble tonight again because I have not had my nap!! I baby-sat my 3 grandchildren last night so I knew I needed to chill today! ~SIGH~ Instead I have been in bed reading, checking FB, and when I had been trying to sleep my mind was buzzing on some idea or the other AND that's all because I read Fauzia's blog which woke up my sharing spirit!

Anyway I really have to go and take a shower now because it's time to get ready and leave.
I am going to need a very strong coffe when I arrive at these people's house to wade off the sleep.

Went to the gym today when I really didn't feel like it.....and the whole time I was thinking.......

But I know I have to pump those weights and stretch those biceps but man I can get sooo hot!! and I don't mean that in a greeeat way LOL!!

Well not to compain they say the more I excerise and lose this baggage.... the better I will feel.....I been waiting 10 years!!! already, mind, I have been getting bigger and bigger so I guess ......... it's time for change! Nite nite

Menopause the musical!

Hello it's been a while!! But I have been surfing all over the place LOL!!! Well anyhooe.....look at this, it's as if someone had been reading my mind!! Why oh why is this not in Holland!! http://www.menopausethemusical.com/show-info/

"jack of all trade and master of none"

I haven't been blogging for the longest, not because I have nothing to say, just the mere fact that I have to conscientiously make time for it, not always in the mood for it and to top it all I misplaced my password to log in.

Lately however, I have had a yearning for something ELSE, something new to trigger my fancy. A new project maybe, start painting or singing again? I have had this feeling for the longest now, but no bottle to do anything constructive with it.
Now I am 56 and I feel that my menopausal state should be shifting into a burst of energy and new enterprises, I am a little disappointed that head head is not full with new ideas, I just can't find that "one thing" that I should be doing.

I recently discovered that an old friend of mine was into counseling and writings self help books, she was doing pretty well at it as far as I could see.
Another young lady I once admired in my teens is now a singer/song writer/voice coach. How did these people actually came about and fulfill their dreams? I can sing, I give free councilling almost everyday to friends and family but I guess it was never a dream to make any of the two a life time occupation. Maybe be that is the problem! I am not ambitious enough!
Still what is the formula of making your interest and dreams a success?
I have always been a "jack of all trade and master of none" I wish to find that one thing I love and love it enough to take it to another level of mastery.

Looking back on 2009

Placing 2009 in retrospect is basically easy, it was a pleasant year with no real tragedies or exocentric things happening and now I am voicing it, it almost sounds boring as if it just happened. But…..it wasn’t that bad.

· The first part of the year flew by with no extremities I had turned 55 and was very laid back.
· Had a few ins and outs to the doctors/hospital but nothing I couldn’t handle, thank goodness
· It was a really great summer with lots of bbqs and outdoor eating.
· I visited England after 17 years and met up with old school friends
· Met a guy on that trip that boosted my 55year olds ego; when he wanted more, I was strong enough to explained, “I had all the friends in my life than I needed and could handle” Hard but true and simply where I am at.
· Supported my youngest daughter in a TV competition.




· Had an offer to sing in south of France, it fell through!
· Cuts at work but I am still hanging in there
· Damion and Zerrne's last year of study, Zerrne did a crash course! well done guys!
· Ex turned 60
· Had a new grandson is born in March the 5th of March which is the same date as my son, his uncle! Real cool! So that makes it a total of four grand kids and four children!
· Oh I turn 56!!

Goodness, not a bad year. With all my blood thinners, blood pressure and cholesterol medicines I am doing just fine. Hot sweats are less; I noticed it appears in more weather and if I eat dairy products! Bummer I love dairy!
Still this year I will do more zumba lesson, exercise, relax and enjoy more time with my hubby!

Anyway it's my daugter's birthday today SHE'S 30!! and we are going out to celebrate! I wanted to take a nap as I can't do the long night hours anymore...............but now it's too late as I am being picked up in an hour!!!

Happy birthday darling...........




Welcome 2010!!

Happy new year!

2010!
Happy new year!
Waow 2010, it looks different, it feels different and if I think about it long enough, the mystery it holds make water spring in my mouth as though I had just tasted something citrus...............

I had the best "old year's night" that I could ever have asked for.
I spent it in the company of my daughter, her partner and their baby girl.
That was the most relaxing, cleansing, spiritual and liberating evening ever.

Each year I would go though the whole 'getting ready' ritual thing by doing all the domestic things so my house feels ready for a new start. This year I was more on top of it than ever. Administration was all done, no clothes left to iron, our closet looked like a shop hahaha love that! Everywhere was as I wanted it to be in our space. The only thing left was to set a bath with lovely scents, I have a new flavour, 'lavender tea tree geranium' by L'Occitane! mmmmm talk about relaxing, anyway That form of cleansing was not to be tonight. I was about to experience a special bath of the mind and soul with my daughter!

I hadn't planned to spend the night at my daughter's but my husband came up with the idea, he so enjoys his sons-in-law, he calls each one 'his favourite son-in-law' soooo cute!

Having gone to bed at 2:15 this morning, I woke by myself minuets before six, I knew that because I woke and whilst lying there thinking "man I woke up and it's still dark......I wonder what time it was" then I heard the house clock strike 6:00am.

I tried falling back to sleep and realize I couldn't.
Now we all know just how creative and sharp our minds are at that time in the morning, when only YOU are awake. My mind began reflecting as I tried to make clear what I had dreamt about.
I won't relate the dream but it triggered my tread of thought for a while, trying to dismiss the I thoughts I reflected on being at my daughter's place.......I wished I could have stayed in bed and scribble all I was thinking done without 'getting up!!'
I created an entire page in my blog lying right there; at 7:00ish I got up went to the loo, and turned on the computer.

I had not been in this space since for ages!!
I was energize by my baby girl last night! I wanted to save those feelings.

I haven't been blogging for sooo many reasons and blogging for the sake of it was just not me.
Now I am back.....I am sitting here thinking it's all too much to put into words....now....right now.

Considering my guy is in our bed, asleep and I am behind the computer.....mmmmmmm something doesn't compute I know.
But last night, the end of 2009 was magic for me 'for us' as I fell asleep wrapped in his arms, in our freshly made bed, feeling very secure as we affirmed just how strong our loves is, I felt blessed, loved and extremely fortunate that this man loves ME as he does, that I have lived long enough to experience my children as adults and be able to love and appreciated each of them individually, to be able to to share the difference and the likeness of my baby girl, with her in it's pureness, honesty, genuineness and unshielded way we did.
I had the best "old year's night" ever.
I will talk more about this later, maybe....yes I will! I think..........


Anyway it's still dark soo I am going to sneak back in bed to grab a last cuddle before my sweetheart wakes up.......I just wanted to make a start whist I was ready to start blogging this year.
Thank you God for a loving family!
2010 is off on a great start!

The disappearance of the girl

All you ladies out there that may be feeling devastated because your man cannot deal with your fat, or he has gone because “you are Not the girl he married”
Well here is the news, you are not!!
That GIRL and rightly said, girl, has gone, she left a long time ago!
In fact she was only around for a few precious years, that thin body, tight all over, firm breasts, ….insecurities acne…shyness…..my goodness, she slipped by without my even knowing she was leaving.

Man was I sick!! My poor body didn’t know what had hit it, it took on some major changes in that month of August 1973, when my first daughter was conceived, and my body was on a roller-coater of imbalanced hormones and chemical changes.
Mixing and fixing preparing me for motherhood.
I had ‘thrush’ …yep thrush!! and I was soooo young and green I had no idea what was happening to me.
Sure, I was having loads of fun experiencing my new found sex life that year.
I had left home, on my eighteenth birthday and it was fun fun fun sex sex sex, I was my own woman and I had me a man!
I had never had sex with anyone else than with my baby’s dad, so when I was feeling crazy from my ‘itch’, I was sure I had VD!! And if I had ‘caught’ it must have been because of HIM, ‘cause I had not been with anyone else!!
I would itch until I was sooo sore.
Venereal disease were big when I was a girl, and as scary as aids is for most, everyone was getting some thing, from someone, so that made a girl scared to do anything with anyone!
At 18 I was considered, old to be experiencing my first sexual encounter, and now a year and a half later, to have VD!! I was scared and angry.

Not being able to take it any more I went to a special clinic, on my own, where you were only known as a number, that way I could conceal my identity.
After I was examined by the doctor, he explained I didn’t have VD. I was soooo happy to hear that, then he asked, me if I knew I was expecting.
Expecting? Expecting what??!!
Aaaahmmm a baby??
I was blown away, there I was three months pregnant and I didn’t even know it!!
AlI knew was that I was feeling bad!! Itching awfully and all it was all because my hormones were taking on a change, preparing me for motherhood!